Oldies but Goodies

Gertrude’s Bedchamber.

HAMLET: Oi! Slag!
GERTRUDE: Watch your fucking mouth, kid!
POLONIUS: (From behind the curtain) Too right.
HAMLET: Who the fuck was that?
(He stabs POLONIUS through the arras.)
HAMLET: Fuck! I thought it was that other wanker.

From The Skinhead Hamlet (which I did not realize was written by Richard Curtis).

When the noted playwright George Bernard Shaw sent him two tickets to the opening night of his new play with a note that read: “Bring a friend, if you have one,” Churchill, not to be outdone, promptly wired back: “You and your play can go fuck yourselves.”

From National Lampoon’s The Wit of Winston Churchill.

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